26-year-old daughter gets 2 years free rent and spends money on home improvements, retaliates when mom moves to sell the house for 'mental health reasons': 'Family first'

Author image for JR Atkinson
JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
May 24, 2024 3:00 PM EDT

There's the old saying "There's no such thing as a free lunch." It's based on the economic principle that even if someone else pays for your lunch, you're paying with the time spent having lunch. It's a surprising but sound concept. There's always a hidden cost to things that might appear to come free. 

This is especially true when you start involving family, like the TV show Gilmore Girls aptly illustrated. Your rich parents might pay for your daughter's expensive private school, but in return, you have to turn up to family dinner every Friday. But of course, it's not just dinner. It's the price of giving up some amount of control in how your daughter is raised, and how your time is spent. This is the Lorelai paradox. The family in this story found themselves in this situation, where an inherited house led to some contentious family drama. And commenters were split on who was to blame. Read on for details. 

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  • 01
    NOTICE OF EVICTION Court Case Number: 493-An
    via Allan Vega
  • 02
    r/AmltheAsshole u/Unique Molasses_9987. 3h AITA for selling my home that I was allowing my daughter to stay in for free even though she did some upgrades to it
    via u/Unique_Molasses_9987
  • 03
    I inherited a home years ago from my mother. It was overall outdated but in good condition. It is five hours away from where I live. My daughter (26) and her husband fell on hard times and I allowed her to move in about 2 years ago for free. It is near the city they work at.I paid for everything and was letting them use it to get back on their feet.
    via u/Unique_Molasses_9987
  • 04
    I informed them they can make changes to the home just not to take out walls or any huge stuff. The last time I was at the home, was about year ago and it just looked like they painted.
    via u/Unique_Molasses_9987
  • 05
    The house is causing issues for my finances now and I have had multiple people reach out to me to sell. I also want to sell it since I am tired of seeing the home, it just reminds me of my mom and that she is gone. So being a landlords isn't good for my mental health.
    via u/Unique_Molasses_9987
  • 06
    So I decided to sell, I informed my daughter that they have 6 months to find a new place. This started an argument, she apparently put in a lot of upgrades such as redoing the stairs, kitchen and are in the middle of the bathroom. That I are over and that now the house is worth more. She called me a them for this and I reminded them I gave them two years of free housing I am on the fence and want more opinions
    via u/Unique_Molasses_9987
  • 07
    INFO janewilson90 • 2h Aficionado [14] Did you have a conversation with your daughter before telling them they had 6 months to move out? Even if she was just a tenant and not your daughter, the polite thing to do is have the conversation before issuing the eviction notice. There's obviously a disconnect between the two of you in terms of upgrades to the house but regardless, you're going to benefit from the work they've put in. There should be some form of compensation to them.
    via u/janewilson90
  • 08
    dbell • 2h There should be some form of compensation to them. Like two years of free rent?
    via u/dbell
  • 09
    janewilson90 · 2h Aficionado [14] The free rent could totally equate to the compensation. It still needs a conversation though.
    via u/janewilson90
  • 10
    andromache97 • 3h Professor Emeritass [80] INFO: how much $$$$ worth of upgrades did they put into the house and how does that compare to the money they saved on rent over the years? IMO it's unfortunate y'all haven't come to a fair compromise or legal arrangement in advance of this situation happening, because this should be a mutually beneficial situation to you both instead of turning into a fight.
    via u/andromache97
  • 11
    Unique_Molasses_9987 OP • 2h I don't know they what they spent. I do know how much I saved them, rent in that area is around 2000 and add utilities is about 400. So 2400 each month So 2400 * 24 = 57,600 dollars I highly doubt they put that much into the home.
    via u/Unique_Molasses_9987
  • 12
    tulipvonsquirrel • 2h Seems like they put in enough work to make the house a lot more marketable and valuable. Please think outside the box, you can sell the house to your daughter and you hold the mortgage. This way, you have a regular income stream from the monthly mortgage payments and your only involvement will be cashing the cheques. If they default on the mortgage you, as the mortgage holder, gain possession of the house (so you would get your asset back and can sell it then) most importan
    via u/tulipvonsquirrel
  • 13
    This is definitely the scenerio in which everybody wins big. You make more money on the house than you would just selling it and banking the cash, it is a safe investment because as the owner of the mortgage the house reverts to your possession if they default on the mortgage. This way your child will have the security of being a home owner, which means she may be able to actually afford children (a rare situation these days) who will have a home in which to grow up. Win win win. This is a fairl
    via u/tulipvonsquirrel
  • 14
    Unique Molasses_9987 OP. 2h No, don't want to hold the mortgage. I want the house out of my life. I don't to be even more involved with it by holding the mortgage and still technically having the property title. Also that can get messy. Much rather just have a simple sell
    via u/Unique_Molasses_9987
  • 15
    AffectionateTree6478 1h • Sounds like you don't want your daughter having it either as technically it is still "in your life" | Also that can get messy. Things are likely going to get messy selling it if your daughter has done improvements and increased its value.
    via u/AffectionateTree6478
  • 16
    Easy-Locksmith615 • 2h Partassipant [2] OP. I get your point. You didn't ask or want those changes and saved them over 50k of rent. I really do understand your point of view. It's not what I would do but I get it. But... Looking at your comments... Why even bother asking if you're the AH since you can't even consider different points of view?
    via u/Easy-Locksmith615
  • 17
    Mountain_School_845 • 1h At first sight I would say OP just sell, but I agree with this comment. OP sees things in black and white and can't seem to find any middle ground, maybe because it's hard work to do so. End of the day if that was my daughter I would make sure she at least feels heard and not say a blank no to any suggestion. Just because you can do something doesn't mean you should or there is no other way.
    via u/Mountain_School_845
  • 18
    coastalkid92 • 3h Craptain [170] NAH, with your daughter leaning into slight AH territory. I think it's fair for your daughter to be upset, especially when they're putting work into the house where you'll likely see the return of that effort and they'll have just lost money on investing into the house. This is a risk you take when you do any work on a home you don't own but it would definitely be disheartening when it's a relative selling the place you've put effort into. But you do have the rig
    via u/coastalkid92
  • 19
    GoreGoddezz • 2h Certified Proctologist [29] The house is 5 hours away. How is seeing it bad for your mental health? Why didn't you just ask your daughter to start paying rent to cover whatever its costing you financially? If they're the ones doing the upgrades, and you didn't have to worry about late rent since you didn't charge them any, how is being a landlord bad for your mental health? Seems you like the upgrades, and just want to sell to make a quick buck. Be prepared to never see your dau
    via u/GoreGoddezz
  • 20
    Awesome_Sauce_007 • 2h Family first. All of you need to get together and talk about how you can come to a fair resolution. Not having your daughter in your life will be worse on your mental health than not having your mother's house, or the money.
    via u/Awesome_Sauce_007

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family drama dads inheritance housing house homeowner homeownership parenting mortgage eviction family reddit thread evicted Reddit mom money Parenting Fail parents Parenting FAILS
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